dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
