he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
