If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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