So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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