Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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