It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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