seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
