There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mom said you looked used
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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