is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
