Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
