I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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