I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
