Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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