whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone shit on the floor
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
