Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
