well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
