I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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