Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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