question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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