Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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