You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize