I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
