Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
