I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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