I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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