I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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