Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
