wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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