we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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