at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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