My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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