Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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