Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
