I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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