actually, I'm a sock model
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
