Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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