Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
