the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
