He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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