We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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