i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
