time to smoke my breakfast
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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