help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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