wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
