my phone needs a breathalizer
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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