It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's shark week go big or go home
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
