You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
