Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
