EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How's work?
Spinning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
