Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
