I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
