We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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