so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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