This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
