A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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