Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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