there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
