not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
