just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
