ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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