I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
