he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She's just so happy...and so naked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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