i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
