The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
