Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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