I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
