Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
