im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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