These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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