SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
