I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
