i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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