he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
