so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
