Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
