20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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