Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
