just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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