At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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