Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
