WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
