I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We are two peas in an std pod
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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