Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
