I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
