He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
