Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
