Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
