she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
