Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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